Thursday afternoon.

Incidentally, Paul's report on Greece was a big hit and Maggie had a pretty good day at nursery school, despite being dragged away from the festivities at the "big-kid school".

This. That. The Other.

We've had two weekends in a row of school extravaganzas...the school year must be (at long last) coming to an end!

First, Cheverly Weekday Nursery's Truck Touch, in which the children touch the trucks and honk the horns and eat the hot dogs and hamburgers and cookies and...and...and... Liz and I whrrled the event, which was pretty cool. You can follow the story here.

This past Saturday, Paul's school hosted its Annual Fun Day, which was -- for many a dad -- more fun than usual, due to the presence of the Redskins cheerleaders (Redskinettes? I dunno.) They were giving mini cheerleading camps, and Maggie was right in the mix. There were a lot of very attentive dads once they figured out what was going on...and some of them didn't even have kids doing the mini camp.

Paul was at both of these events, but he, in what seems to be 2nd grader mode (judging by his friends) was extraordinarily free range, visiting us only for infusions of tickets. He came home with a lot of crap from both events. Have you ever noticed that attending school fairs is much like taking a day trip to NYC? You come with money, but 30 minutes later it's all gone and you have no recollection of where it went. Maybe I need to get to New York more often and school fairs less often...

I think Paul has taken stories of hell to heart during religious studies at school. He really gets the detail. Not sure what this has to do with anything, but there it is.

Playland on 450!

Spring break...too wet and cold to go to the carnival. Also, they never seem to actually be open. Hmmm. We had to settle for playland at IKEA, which was a huge success, because Paul & Maggie got coupons for free ice cream from the nice playland ladies. They were that good.

An End to (Part of) Childhood.

Maggie: Mommy, is Big Bird a person with feathers?
Me: Well...sort of. Why?
Maggie: Well, what is Big Bird?
Me: Well...Big Bird is sort of a puppet. There's someone inside of a big costume.
Maggie: (silence)
Maggie: Mommy? How about Zoey? Is she a person or a puppet?
Me: Sweetie, Zoey is a puppet.
Maggie: No, she's a person and so you are wrong.
Me: No, Mag. Zoey and Oscar and Grover and Cookie Monster are all puppets. There are people who use their imaginations to make Big Bird and Zoey and Elmo and all the other characters seem alive, but they're not really.
Maggie: You have made this my saddest day ever.

And then the tears flowed.

In retrospect, I guess there were some aspects of this conversation that I could have handled better. The problem is that she told me I am wrong, which seems to be the theme of this -- and let's face it every -- week.

I'm here all week at Awesome Parenting Skills Central, folks. Make sure to tip your waiters.

Woo Boy!

Maggie begins her foray into organized sports this morning with Tot Soccer. If she is anything like the rest of us, organized sports will be a short-lived outlet for her. We are not an athletically gifted family. In fact, challenged is a charitable term.

In other news, the boy is wandering around the house with red goo attached to his head with masking tape. He is planning to clone himself, and then take over...something? His plans aren't real clear, but he has some. I should probably be more alarmed.

Also, Paul discovered belly dancers this weekend. Now that is a world of wonders.

My Very Own Personal Fairy Princess

Gratuitous photos of Maggie, because I am soooooo tired.

If you don't already have one of these, you really should get your own personal fairy princess. They're a lot of work and they get awfully messy and can be a little temperamental, but every so often, they rock. Actually, mine usually rocks, but then she spends most of the day not being my friend anymore, with chocolate ice cream coating her front and mud coating her back. Today was one of those days...but she's still my girl.

Sigh. School.

Paul started school on Tuesday... School seems fine, except that I've already learned that Paul is having difficulty focusing in 2nd grade (when asked, he told me that he's having a really hard time not thinking about the pool...I can't blame him.) Also, when checking through his work yesterday, I came across "wiski" (known to grown-ups as "whiskey") as his "w" word. How, you may ask, did I know what he was trying to spell? I asked. He told me it's "something that Daddy likes to drink." He's wrong. Mommy likes to drink whiskey. Daddy likes beer.

But my real problem? Maggie starts preschool in 30 minutes. She's excited but nervous, as evidenced by the increase in crying jags, potty accidents and an unwillingness to eat breakfast. I know she'll have a great time and she's certainly ready for it, but I can't believe she's already this big! This was my 6 lb. baby. Now she's going to school? How in the world did that happen?

There should be some magic wand that will, whenever you want, take you back to when your children were tiny babies and you spent the days (and nights) holding their little sleeping bodies on your chest while listening to them breathe and counting their fingers and toes over and over to make sure everything was there. When your kids are that small, it's impossible to soak up all the details you're going to want to remember when they're going off to nursery school, or second grade, or college.

I bet you're wondering where I've been...

I did not fall off the face of the Earth.

I did not fall asleep in a ditch somewhere.

The children did not win (though it's been close...)

I've been busy...

First, we spent a lovely weekend at Lake Gaston, Virginia with our best friends. The prettiest member of several Cheverly bands that you know and love and her very kind parents opened their house to all of us for the weekend. By "opened their house" I mean fed us, housed us and took us on the boat. Repeatedly. At all hours of the day and night. (Actually, I slept through that...)

And why, you may ask, did we go all the way down to the VA/NC border?

So that Things 1&2 could see their very first WILCO show!!!!!!!!! They had a great time. We all had a great time (even though the crowd, as Jeff Tweedy mentioned repeatedly, smelled very nice...but not like the pine trees surrounding the amphitheater. You know, concert nice.) Cary, North Carolina, has a great concert venue -- the Koka Booth Amphitheater. If you ever have an opportunity to see a show there, do it. The band was great, and Bon Iver, the opener, was really cool. I want to see them again.

On the drive between Lake Gaston and Cary, we went to Raleigh, which has a great comic book store. Any comic book store that employs nerds willing to find the perfect comic book for a three-year old girl is tops in my book. They had one copy of a Barbie comic book and we all made a big deal about it being rare in in plastic. Maggie was thrilled. The boy needed no help in the store... there was also a good used bookstore and lots of coffee shops. Fun, fun, fun. (But not as cool as Richmond, where we stopped on the way down to the lake.)

So we had a terrific long weekend with great people and I got more sleep than I have in months. Fantastic. And then...

JURY DUTY.
Okay, I'm one of those people who think that jury duty is a good thing. I've been called several times, but was never put on a trial. Until this week. All I'm going to say: Do not do drugs. Do not use guns. If you have to use drugs, do not use guns at the same time. We'll all be alot better off if you just take my advice.

Monday night, after a quick yummy dinner at Eat First, we went to see Grizzly Bear at the 6th & I Synagogue in DC. A band I'd never heard of, Violens, opened (but I will seek them out!) It was the most polite show I've ever attended, and we were probably the only people there who had to get home to a babysitter (thanks, Abby!) Also, Charles said that every guy in the restroom while he was there washed their hands. Impressive fans, Grizzly Bear.

My jury duty ended early (plea deal) and I went to a little coffee place in Upper Marlboro that I've driven past so many times: More than Coffee! They make an incredibly good black bean and corn salad -- warm, tossed with oil and lots of cumin, and served over lettuce. (And really good soy cappuccino...) So after a relaxing lunch and a stop to buy school supplies for the boy, we got to spend Tuesday afternoon at the pool. You know those days when the cold water is especially welcome because you've been laying in the hot sun? Yeah. And we ended last night with a fantastic vegan meal made by some new friends and shared with some old ones.

So. In less than a week, four bands. Three states. The pool. Lots of great friends and food. Civic duty. Not a bad way to wind down summer...

Trying to Have a "Smart" Conversation Goes Nowhere

We went out last night to celebrate the birthday of a the coolest girl in the band, and returning to the Chev, I tried to strike up a conversation with MasterP about the recent discovery of water on Mars. (Note: I am overcompensating for days of partial parental neglect due to overwork, so I'm really trying to pull out all the good mommy stops. I feel like Homer Simpson when he started paying attention to the kids... and they asked him to stop.)

The conversation:

Me: Did you hear that they got a thimbleful of water from Mars?

Charles: Really?

Me: Yeah, the NASA scientist said that the champagne was flowing in the lab. (See how I can work champagne into so many conversations? It's a gift...)

MasterP: Does that mean that there are little green martian men on Mars? I'm going to go and get one and come back and scare people with it!

LaMag: I'M going to go get a PINK one and she'll be a princess named Strawberry Shortcake!!!

MasterP: MAGGIE!!!! You can't have a pink martian. They're GREEN. The pink ones are from someplace else. Pfeh.

LaMag: MMMOOOMMMMMYYYYYY! Paul is mean and he says I can't have a pink martian and I want a PINK one!

At this time, the headache that I'd been battling all day returned. With great vengeance.

What do princesses do when it's 95 degrees and a code red day?

I have absolutely nothing to add.

Annals of Bad Parenting

Paul and Maggie have been left to their own devices more than I'd like this week. I've had a nasty flu thingy since last Friday when Charles had to talk me down from insane hysteria...this is always the first sign that I'm going to get sick. We should have known, because it took a lot of talking down. And -- testament to Charles -- he actually missed a local solo coffee house performance by the Jerry guy from Dark Star Orchestra just to help me regain some sense of sanity. That's love. So a week later, I'm hacking away and have developed a weird rash, which makes me think I've got the leprosy. Oh. And Maggie has pinkeye. And Charles is in Atlanta. Working. How's your summer going? Good? Good. I'm glad.

Anyhoo, back to what I was saying... P&M have been left to their own devices a lot over the past week. They've been remarkably good -- not too much screaming, not too many messes, a lot less fighting than I expected. Now I'm beginning to figure out why...

Paul has been teaching Maggie how to play Star Wars xBox games.

So at least it's been educational. How long do you think it will take for her to win? Personally, I think he has a year, max.

(Note: When you're a three-year-old girl, a princess crown and a tongue hanging out really improve your gaming skills. And it's interesting that, even with eyes red and crusted over with puss, a hacking cough and green sludge coming out of her nose, la Mag still demands to be dressed as a princess first thing in the morning. What a chick.)

(Note 2, for any teachers who may be reading this: Paul and I did actually do flash cards yesterday. And he's been reading stories and writing reports for me. I'm not totally bad. Thanks for reading that. I really do feel better.)

Why I haven't posted.

We've been having too much fun. Sorry.

Between a baby calf eating Paul's shirt at South Mountain Creamery (Paul seemed to really enjoy that. Huh.), days spent poolside, visits to Clagett Farm, our bi-weekly Cheverly Community Market, and Maggie trying to eat things bigger than her head (I think there's some words of wisdom that I should have told her, but I forgot. Whoops.) the blogging thing has been an afterthought. At best. I have been good about taking pictures though...

Already good at the guilt. Or weekends are my undoing.

Actual conversation with la Mag yesterday after returning from my traditional Sunday morning outing sans famille:

What's the opposite of big?
(Scrunches her body into a little ball.)
What's the opposite of hot?
Cold!
What's the
opposite of left?
Go with you!

And just like that, the guilt begins. She is so good at it already! The tea master just sat and laughed. Because it didn't happen to him.

Update: Apparently, la Mag was full of wisdom this weekend, as demonstrated in this verbatim conversation which took place at the Cheverly Community Market Saturday morning (helpfully reported by ace cub reporter Mr. L. aka Drummer Boy):

Is Kelly your lover?
Dunham (after giving it some consideration): Well, yes. Kelly and I are lovers.
But Mommy and Daddy aren’t lovers.
Dunham (without missing a beat): Well, that’s what happens when you are married and have kids.

Well. They're on to the whole deal now.